Animal Jokes — worst jokes

What is a bee's favourite classical music composer ?
→ Bee-thoven !

What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
→ A bee with a cold !

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside:

- You skin this one while I go and get another!

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend:

- Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?

- I sure did - responded the pessimist.

- He can't swim.

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.

He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole.
Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.
So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.

The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.

He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.

He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him:

- How deep is this hole?

The farmer said:

- Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends.

- Say, have you seen my prize goat?

The man, not wanting to get the blame, said:

- No.

The farmer said:

- Oh well. He can't get far. He was tied to a railroad beam.

Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
→ It got angry and bit at the champ!

Did you find my horse well behaved?
→ Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!

As horses say to one another.
Any friend of yours is a palomino!

A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet

- Will I ever be able to race my horse again - the owner asked the vet.

The vet replied:

- You certainly will, and you'll probably beat her too!