A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said:
- Why did you put up such a fight?
To which the man promptly replied:
- I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!
There was this General-in-training, and his superioirs were asking him questions:
- What happened on June 6, 1944?
- We stormed the beach at Normandy, which later became known as D-Day, sir!
- What was the turining point of wordl war 2?
- Battle of the bulge, sir!
- What's is the importance of May 12
The Man thought and thought:
- I don't know, sir!
The superior then said:
- Well, I'll tell your wife that you forgot her birhtday
During an army basic training, the lieutenant took the batch on a match and asked each of them where home was.
After everyone had answered, he sneered and said:
- you are all wrong, the army is now your home.
Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to say:
- you bet I do - the sergeant replied.
- men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess.
Where do you think you are? Home?
A retired sergeant was asked:
- Well, how do you like civilian life?
- Terrible - he said gruffly.
- all those people around and nobody in charge!
General Heath, a famous lover of parade music and marching drill ceremonies, once listened to a symphonic orchestra playing.
When asked about his impressions, he commented:
- No military precision in drill...
- Why?
- Did you see those violin players? They were moving their bows not in cadence.
What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?
→ If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us."
A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem."
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist.
- Doctor, you must help me - she pleaded.
- It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him.
And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.
- I see - nodded the psychiatrist.
- And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.
- For God's sake, NO! - exclaimed the woman.
- I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
- You all have obsessions - he observed.
To the first mother he said:
- You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.
He turned to the second mom.
- Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.
He turned to the third mom.
- Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy.
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered:
- Come on sweety, let's go home.
Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: "Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world."
