Worst jokes

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote:

- I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said:

- I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls.

I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

What is a vampire's favourite soup?
→ Scream of mushroom!

When the picture of the vampire's grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean?
→ That the nail had come out of the wall.

What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
→ Neck-tarines.

Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies?
→ He used to keep it in his back pocket.

Why did the vampire attack the clown?
→ He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

What time is it when you sit on a pin?
→ Spring time.

What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend?
→ Long time no sea.

How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
→ You can hear their brooms tick!

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

- Yes?

- Excuse me, sir - the jogger said.

- Do you have the time?

The man looked at the car clock and answered:

- 8:15.

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

- Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?

- 8:25!

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying:

- I do not know the time!

Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

- Sir, sir? It's 8:45!.