Worst jokes

How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?
→ With scare spray.

Did you hear about the witch who was ashamed of her long black hair?
→ She always wore long gloves to cover it up.

What do witches ring for in a hotel?
→ B-room service.

How do sheep keep warm in winter?
→ Central bleating!

What did Santa Claus's wife say during a thunderstorm?
→ 'Come and look at the rain, dear.'

- You never get anything right - complained the teacher.

- What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school?

- Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella?
→ Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

You're hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund Hillary, who all give you directions to the nearest tube stop. Whom don't you believe? Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a completely sunny day in England.

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

- Waiter, waiter, do you have frog's legs?

- Certainly, Sir!

- Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!