Worst jokes

- LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check

- Tower: It's Thursday, Sir.

- Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?

- Pilot: Yes.

- Tower: Yes what??

- Pilot: Yes, SIR!

- Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival.

- Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think Tuesday would be nice...

- Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck.

- Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.

How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None, it is done by the automatic pilot.

A man walks up to the counter at the airport.

- Can I help you? - asks the agent.

- I want a round trip ticket - says the man.

- Where to? - asks the agent.

- Right back to here.

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked:

- How long does it take to fly to Boston?

The clerk said:

- Just a minute...

- Thank you - the man said and hung up.

- Cessna: Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.

- Tower: Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!

- Cessna: Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.

- Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees..

- But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?

- Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727?

A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air:

- Anything you can do, I can do better.

The veteran bomber pilot answered:

- Try this hot-shot.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.

Perplexed, the hotdog asked:

- So? What did you do?

- I just shut down two engines, kid.