A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone:
- Please state the nature of your emergency.
- Help! My house is on fire!
- Okay, where do you live?
- In a house you silly billy!
- No,no! How do we get there?
- Duh! Big Red Truck!!
Why was the blonde in the tree?
→ Because she was raking up the leaves!
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks:
- Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?
- Why, officer? - asks the blonde.
- Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.
- Oh my goodness - exclaims the blonde - I left my baby on the bus!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says:
- Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one.
The brunette says:
- I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home.
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says:
- I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too.
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks:
- My dear, what's the matter?
The blonde whimpers:
- I wish my friends were still here.
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says:
- Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought -- I can't figure out how to get started.
Her friend asks:
- What's the puzzle of?
- From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger - replied the blonde.
The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says:
- I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box.
- Why not? - asks the disappointed blonde.
- Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle... what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes.
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go.
The blonde turns around and shouts:
- Can't you see I'm winning!
A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams:
- Honey, don't do it...
The blonde yells back:
- Shut up! You're next!
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
→ She moved.
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
→ It swells at night.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
→ A blonde going through a flashing red light.
