Worst jokes

Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and splat... he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he:

- Pardon me, madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off....

- Not so fast - says she.

- How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said:

- He looks like thts - as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

- Oh no, you horrible man - she replied.

- I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?

At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed:

- Agggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Coleman moved to Wyoming and was sitting in the unemployment office applying for a job:

- Have you any experience in coal mining? - asked the clerk.

- Yeah, in Pennsylvania - he replied.

- They're using that new safety lamp down there now, aren't they?

- Ah don't know, mister - said Coleman.

- I worked on the day shift.

How many circus performers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!
→ Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!

How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

- Clown: Why are you wearing such a large shirt?

- Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.

It was so hot when we went on holiday last year that we had to take turns sitting in each other's shadow.

Did you hear about the man who jumped in the Hudson River?
→ He committed sewercide.

What did the bell say when it fell in the water?
→ I'm wringing wet.

- Dad, did you manage to fix my toy?

- No, it's not broken, the battery's flat.

- Well, what shape should it be?

A man went in to the bank and asked to see the man who arranged the loans.

- I'm sorry, sir - said a cashier - the loan arranger is out to lunch.

- Can I speak to Tonto, then? - asked the man.