Kennen was having a drink in a saloon when his neighbor, Stakely, came rushing in.
- Ah think somebody's stealin' yore pickup truck! - the man said breathlessly.
Kennan ran outside, but came back right away.
- Well, did yew stop him? - asked Stakely.
- Naw! - said the redneck.
- He was too fast. But Ah got his license plate before he got away!
The July temperature in Joplin climbed over the one hundred mark. Despite the scorching heat, Bozell was outside painting his house. A passerby stopped for a moment to watch him and then asked:
- How cum yer wearin' two jackets?
- 'Cause - said the redneck, the directions on the can say ta put on two coats!
Izzard went into a Baltimore bank to cash his check. Since he didn't have an account there, the teller asked if he could identify himself.
- Sure - said Izzard.
- There a mirror around here?
- There's one on the wall right beside you - said the clerk.
Izzard took a glance in the mirror and heaved a sigh of relief.
- Yep! - he said.
- It's me, all right!
Mayne and Willard, two idiots, were in a rowboat on a lake fishing.
Suddenly the spray from a motorboat racing by flooded their boat.
- How we gonna get the water out? - asked Mayne.
- Easy - said Willard.
- We just bore a hole in the bottom of the boat and let the water drain out.
The men drilled a hole in the bottom, and more water started rushing in.
- Wait a minute! - exclaimed Mayne.
- We need another hole so's the water comin' in through the first one has a place to go back into the lake!
Zack and Tybe, two Alabama farm boys, bought themselves a truckload of watermelons for a buck apiece.
They sold each one for a dollar. After counting up their cash, they realized they'd wound up with the same amount of money they'd started out with.
- See! - said Tybe.
- Ah told yew we shoulda got a bigger truck!
When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.
Randall, an old rancher, stood up.
- Ah think we should keep the old truck - he said.
- We can use it for all them false alarms!
Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. "Hey, what yew got there?" asked a neighbor. "I dunno much 'bout art," replied Melburn, "but Ah just bought me an original Michelangelo for two hundred dollars! It's one of the few he ever did in ballpoint!"
- IRS Agent: What's all this?
- Bracken: Well, you told me to bring all my records with me and I did. Here's some by Willie Nelson, Tammy Wynette, and Garth Brooks . . .
Jett was trying to light a match.
He struck the first one and it didn't work, so he threw it away.
He struck the second match. That didn't work either, so he tossed it.
Jett struck the third one and it lit up.
- That's a good one - said the idiot, blowing it out.
- Ah'm gonna save it!
- Why do rednecks act like such morons?
- Who says they're acting?
