Worst jokes

How do you scare a man?
→ Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:

"don't" and "stop".

Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong, but you could still use them.

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.

- A penny for your thoughts - she said.

- It's amazing! - he replied.

- I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Why do little boys whine?
→ Because they're practicing to be men.

Why did God create a man before a women?
→ You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Man says to God:

- God, why did you make woman so beautiful?

God says:

- So you would love her.

- But God, why did you make her so dumb? - the man says

God says:

- So she would love you.

- But God, why did you make her so dumb? - the man says

God says:

- So she would love you.

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
→ A widower.