Worst jokes

- Producer: Would you call your leading lady ugly?

- Director: Let's just say she'd look better on radio than on TV.

- Fred: I met a really conceited actor the other day.

- Harry: Why do you say he's conceited?

- Fred: Well, every time there was a thunderclap during the storm, he went to the window and took a bow.

Why do actors like snooker halls?
→ Because that's where they get their best cues.

Why does an actor enjoy his work so much?
→ Because it's all play.

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climbed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.

- What's the matter? - asked the director.

- I can't jump from that board! - said the actor.

- Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool?

- Yes - said the director.

- We don't want you to drown, you know.

- Neighbour: Haven't I seen you on TV?

- Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me?

- Neighbour: Off.

What's the definition of a good actor?
→ Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.

An actor went to see a new agent one day and said:

- You must have a look at my act, it really is innovative.

So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few times and landed smoothly on the agent's desk.

- So you do bird impressions - said the agent:

- what else can you do?

- Fred: I'd love to be an actress.

- Harry: Break a leg then!

- Amy: Whatever for?

- Fred: Then you'd be in a cast for weeks.

Why was the actor pleased to be on the gallows?
→ Because at last he was in the noose.