Worst jokes

Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business?
→ He couldn't get it off the ground.

Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
→ He called it "Ham Hocks".

A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked:

- It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision.'

- Father: I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.

- Son: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.

Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.

- Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.

- Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.

- Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off.

- Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the floor.

What do you call a small parent?
→ A minimum!

- Father: I want to take my girl out of this terrible math class.

- Teacher: But she's top of the class.

- Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.

- Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads.

- Dad: No, I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself.