There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could.
Which cat drowned?
→ Un-deux-trois cat sank
(un deux trois quatre cinq)
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard.
For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son.
Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering.
'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew?
'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man.
Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again..
'Are you sure you're alright sir?'
'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.'
'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?'
'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'
How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style
Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."
How to Hunt Elephants -- QA Style
Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager Style
Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
Why do gorillas have big noses?
→ Because they have big fingers.
There were two guys walking down the street and they saw a dog licking his nuts.
One of the guys said. "Man I wish I could do that".
Then the other guy said, "Man that dog will bite you!"
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend: "I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.
"Ok, what about the earsth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I'd like to see her twat," said the midget.
With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head up the horse's twat, then pulled him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase.
I'd like to see her run!"
Did you know elephants have sex organs on their feet?
→ They step on you and you're screwed
