Worst jokes

What did Arafat say to Clinton?

- Sheep don't talk, my friend.

What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota?

Anorexic

What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick,tick'?'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'

Did you hear about the spanish fireman who named his sone Hose A and Hose B?

There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and nextmorning found out that she was six months pregnant.

What do Germans use for birth control?

Their personalities!

Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You're going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn't leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. There are lots of things that you did and I don't. What are you hinting at? Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? He's not a loser. A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Poor children with such a mother. Such as what? With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. ENOUGH !!! Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Now you're worried about the loser? Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Goodbye, mother. Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?

After months of negotiation with the authorities, aTalmudist from Odessa was granted permission to visitMoscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat.

At the next stop a young man got on and sat next tohim. The scholar looked at the young man and thought:This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if heisn't a peasant he probably comes from this district.

If he comes from this district, then he must be Jewishbecause this is, after all, a Jewish district. On theother hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going?

I'm the only Jew in our district who has permission totravel to Moscow. Ahh? But just outside Moscow thereis a little village called Samvet, and Jews don't needspecial permission to go there. But why would he begoing to Samvet? He's probably going to visit one ofthe Jewish families there, but how many Jewishfamilies are there in Samvet? Only two - theBernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are aterrible family, and a nice looking fellow like himmust be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he going?

The Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he'stheir son-in-law. But if he is, then which daughterdid he marry? They say that Sarah married a nicelawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessmanfrom Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Whichmeans that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm notmistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all theanti-Semitism they have there, he must have changedhis name. What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen?

Kovacs. But if they allowed him to change his name, hemust have some special status. What could it be? Adoctorate from the University for sure. At this pointthe scholar turns to the young man and says:

- How doyou do, Dr. Kovacs?

- Very well, thank you, sir. - answered the startledpassenger.

- But how is it that you know my name?

- Oh, - replied the Talmudist - it was obvious.

What do true rednecks do on Halloween?
→ Pump kin.

What is long, black, and smelly?
→ The unemployment line.