A woman came to the psychiatrist worried.
- Doctor, - she said - I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?
- Easy, - said the doctor - Just take the carpet off the floor.
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.
- You know, - said the doctor - you really have to learn to trust me.
This guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face.
- Doc, - he says - I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again.
- What dream? - asked the shrink, not really paying attention.
- You know, - says the man - the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or am I just beating a dead horse?
Here's a pretty nasty one:
Why are they having such a hard time finding a cure for AIDS?
→ The scientists can't get the mice to butt fuck.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
→ The taste.
A girl goes to the doctor. She says:
- Doc, I'm freakin' out...
- I'm freakin' out...my pee's coming out in four streams.
He says:
- Get up on the table and I'll see what I can do.
She gets up on the table, and as he's examining her, he starts to giggle.
She says:
- It's not funny. My pee's coming out in four streams.
He says:
- It won't anymore. I took the trouser button out of there.
What's a definition of a gynecologist?
→ Gynecologist is a person who looks for problems in a place where most people find pleasure
A man walks into a doctor's office with a frog stuck to his head.
- Doctor: How did this happen?
- Frog: It started with a bump on my ass.
A very homely young woman made an appointment with a psychiatrist.
She walked into his office and said:
- Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely.
- I don't have any friends, no man will come near me, and everybody laughs at me.
- Can you help me accept my ugliness?
- I'm sure I can, - the psychiatrist replied.
- Just go over and lie face down on that couch.
Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't.
→ Stick his bill up his ass.
