Worst jokes

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says:

- I have some bad news. You have HAGS.

- What is HAGS - the man asks.

- It's herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis - says the doctor.

- Oh my God - says the man.

- What are you going to do?

- We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.

- Is that going to help me - says the man.

- No - says the doctor.

- But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door

Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear." The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms." The third nurse fainted.

Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
→ She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.

This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I have to adjust the chair."

A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery. As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she says:

- Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?

The man replied:

- Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies:

- Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?

The doctor answered:

- Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain.

- I know, but can't you give me some idea? - she asks.

- Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little...

- Like this?

- A little more...

- Like this?

- No. A little more...

- Like this?

- Yes. Does that hurt?

- A little bit.

- Now stretch it over your head!

Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.

- It's terrible - she said - I haven't moved my bowels in a week.

- I see. Have you done anything about it? - asked the doctor.

- Naturally - she replied - I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night.

- No - the doctor said - I mean do you take anything?

- Naturally - she answered - I take a book.

One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep his testis pouch empty.

After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk.

Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now.

He said:

- Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever I scratch my balls, my eyes start watering.

A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing," he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."

A man goes into a doctor's office and says:

- Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!

The doctor says:

- Good lord! How do your pants fit?

The man replies:

- Like a glove.