One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks:
- Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?
The father replies without hesitating:
- Oh, about ten percent.
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news.
- Ma, the results are in. I won the election!
- Honestly?
The politician's smiled faded.
- Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?
WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! THIS IS SERIOUS!
If you get an envelope from a company called the "Internal Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!
Mr. John Hinkley
St. Elizabeth Hospital
Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness. Therefore, we want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting President Reagan. We are well aware of how mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Hillary and I are confident you will soon make a complete recovery, and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive citizen.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton
President
United States of America
P.S. Just thought you might like to know, Ken Starr is fucking Jodie Foster.
What does the band now play when Clinton enters the room?
→ Kneel to the Chief!
What is George W. Bush's favorite town in Texas?
→ Kilgore, TX
We, the people of Florida, are holding this election hostage.
When you, the people of the U.S., promise to stop sending us your old people, we will release your election.
While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle) a doctor and the old man were discussing Bush's health care reform ideas. The old man said:
- Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle.
So, not knowing what he meant the doctor asked him what a "post turtle" was. And he said:
- When your driving down a country road, and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor thing down.
George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked, "Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George asked him again, "Aren't you Moses?" The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me -- Aren't you Moses?" The man replies, "I'm not saying shit! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!"
A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question: "PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE WORLD"
No result was achieved, since the following problems were faced during the survey's implementation:
