On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible. "What are you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer.
A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.
He put a provision in his will though that she couldn't touch any of it until she turned 14.
What is the worst thing about our justice system?
→ You're leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ The real question is: How much can the light bulb afford to be screwed for?
What is the proper weight for an attorney?
→ About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
→ You should take your workboots off before you jump on a trampoline.
Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek?
→ Nobody will look for them.
An anxious woman goes to her doctor. - Doctor - she asks nervously - can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?
- Certainly - replies the doctor - Where do you think lawyers come from?
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said:
- There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.
- No problem - spoke the Rabbi.
- My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening.
With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door, and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. - What's wrong - asked the farmer.
He replied:
- I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.
His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. - What's wrong, now? - the farmer asked.
The Hindu holy man replies:
- I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!
Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
