Worst jokes

- Teacher: What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air?

- Pupil: It's stolen!

- Teacher: What are you reading?

- Pupil: I dunno!

- Teacher: But you're reading aloud!

- Pupil: But I'm not listening!

- Teacher: Were you copying his sums?

- Pupil: No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right!

- Teacher: Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank!

- Pupil: Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet!

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10.

- Now, Fred - said the teacher - you take over, beginning with 11.

- 11, 14, 23, 42, 26 - said Fred.

- What kind of counting is that? - asked the teacher

- Who's counting? - replied Fred.

- I'm calling signals.

- If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left?

- I don't know.

- Why not?

- In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.

Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card.

- What is this 45 in math? - asked her father.

- I think that's the size of the class - she said quickly!

- If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

- One dollar.

- You don't know your arithmetic.

- You don't know my father!

- Fred: I got 100 in school today.

- Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?

- Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History.

- Mother: Well, at least you can add!

- How are you doing in arithmetic?

- I've learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.