A cop saw a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight.
- Can I help you? - he asked.
- I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it - replied the woman.
- Did you drop it right here?
- No - responded the blonde - I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here.
A blonde ran into the hospital screaming. A doctor came running to her aid. To his surprise her ears were badly burnt and red.
- What happened? - he asked.
- I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang, thinking the iron was the phone I put it to my ear - she replied.
- Oh no, but what happened to your other ear?
She frowned and replied:
- The jerk rang back!
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said:
- What do I do now? I'm almost out of typing paper.
- Just use the copier machine paper - replied the other secretary.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said:
- Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a blonde's brain as well. It costs $50,000.
The client asked:
- What? How's that possible?
The doctor replied:
- You see, it's totally unused.
There was this bartender and he was working at the bar one night. In walked a group of blondes and they were chanting "44 days! 44 days!" One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame. The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked:
- Why are you chanting 44 days?
She set down the puzzle on the counter and said:
- A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!
A blonde reports for his University's final examination that consists of Y/N type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet, Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour. But," he says, "I'm not going to finish rechecking my answers!"
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied:
- I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied:
- I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what to do about her. The captain said:
- I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself:
- Why didn't anyone just say so?
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said:
- I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York.
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune.. ..the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse.
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
- Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?
The blonde said:
- How about 50 dollars?
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband:
- Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?
The man replied:
- She should. She was standing on the porch.
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
- You're finished already? - he asked.
- Yes - the blonde answered.
- and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
- And by the way - the blonde added.
- that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari.
