Worst jokes

A man went to Africa to do some game hunting. While there, he hired a young native to accompany him as his guide. Soon, a large flock of birds flew overhead and the hunter took aim.

The guide grabbed his arm and said:

- Oh, no! These are foo birds and to shoot one means terrible things will happen to you!

The man figured that was only a superstion of the natives and shot one down.

Then the rest of the flock returned and pooped all over him. He hollared at the boy:

- I must have some water right away to wash this mess off.

The boy said:

- Oh no! To wash the crap of the foo bird off means sudden death immediately!

Again the hunter ignored his advice, found water and got cleaned off.

Sure enough he dropped dead then and there. The moral of this story is:

- If the foo shits, wear it.

There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie.

Well he rubbed the bottle and the genie said:

- I'll grant you one wish.

So the mexican says:

- ok, I wanna be white and I wanna be surrounded by a pussy.

The genie grants the mexicans wish...and turned him into a tampon!

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your refridgerator?
→ CHUCK.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a ditch?
→ Phil.

- Teacher: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?

- Jack: 7 years old

- Teacher: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?

- Jack: 9 years old

- Teacher: That's impossible!

- Jack: No it's not. I'm 8 today.

- Teacher: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.

- Mike: Here it is !

- Teacher: Good. Now class, who discovered America?

- Class: Mike !!!

- Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?

- Student: Yes sir.

- Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?

- Student: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.

- Cool Student: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?

- Teacher: No.

- Cool Student: Good 'cos I didn't do my homework.

- Teacher: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.

- Alfred: Me !!!

- Teacher: Are you chewing gum?

- Billy: No. I'm Billy Anderson.

- Teacher: In this box I have a 10-foot snake.

- Student: You can't fool me teacher ! Snakes don't have feet !!!

- Hygiene Teacher: How do you prevent deseases from biting insects?

- Willy: Don't bite any.

- Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence using the word 'I'

- Ellen: I is....

- Teacher: No Ellen always use "I am".

- Ellen: Oh, alright. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

A boy goes on a fishing trip with his grandpa. They install themselves on the river bank and have brought with them all the provisions they need for a fine day's fishing.

After a while, grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy gazes on. He knows his parents won't allow him to smoke, but he gets on well with his grandpa, so he asks:

- Can I have one of those cigarettes?

Grandpa, knowing he shouldn't encourage the boy in a bad habit, but not wanting give a curt "no" asks:

- Does your dick reach your ass?

The boy replies:

- No , it doesn't.

- Then - said grandpa - you aren't old enough to smoke.

Half an hour later grandpa opens a six pack. The boy has always wanted to taste beer so he asks grandpa for a swig.

- Does your dick reach your ass? - asks the old man.

- No - replies the boy.

- Then you're not big enough to touch beer - comes the reply.

By and by the boy feels hungry and opens his lunch box. He finds a pack of cookies there and takes one out to eat it. Grandpa sees this and fancies a cookie himself, so he asks for one.

The boy turns the tables on his grandpa and asks:

- Does you dick reach your ass?

- It sure does - says the old man.

- Then go fuck yourself - These are all mine!

Your momma so fat...she fell in love and broke it.

Your momma so fat...shes on both sides of the family tree.

Your momma so fat she broke the family tree.

Your cousin Jimmy is so stupid, he stole some free samples!

If you've got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?
→ Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.

Yo Momma so old the first cruise line she ever road on was Noah's Ark!