Worst jokes

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says:

- Hey bartender give me a beer.

The bartender says:

- I'm sorry we don't serve food here.

In Church on Sunday morning, The preacher was standing up at the pulpit preaching a sermon. After speaking for about 10 minutes he said...

- If I had all the beer in the world, I'd throw it in the river!

Then he talked some more and a little while later he said....

- If I had all the wine in the world, I'd throw it in the river!

After that statement, he kept ranting and raving untill about 15 minutes later when he said...

- If i had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it in the river!

Then he talked for a few more minutes and sat down. Then, the choir director stood up and with a sheepish smile on her face she said:

- now will the congregation please stand and join us in singing hymn number 134, LET'S ALL GATHER AT THE RIVER!

What did King Tut say to the museum?
→ I want my mummy!

A red-head, a brunette, and a blonde went on a trip to the desert.

They each brought one item for survival.

The red-head brought water. The blonde asked:

- Why? - The red-head replied:

- To prevent us from dying of thirst.

The brunette brought food. The blonde asked:

- Why? - The brunette replied:

- To prevent us from dying of hunger.

The blonde brought a car door. The red-head and brunette asked:

- Why? - The blonde replied:

- To roll down the window if it gets hot.

This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager.

The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs long the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes:

- Brrr!

The guy orders another pint and a half. The gremlin repeats the performance. The bloke grabs the gremlin by the neck, shakes him up a bit, and says:

- Listen, if you ever do that again I'll cut yer balls off!

The gremlin says:

- Ain't got none!

- Well, I'll cut off yer prick!

- Ain't got one of them, neither. - says the gremlin.

- Well, how do ya pee?

The gremlin smiled and said:

- Brrr!

Yo mamma is such a bad cook that even the cockroaches throw up!

- Teacher: Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence.

- Johnny: De-feet of DE-duck went over De-fence before De-tail.

The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them.

The people that use them don't know which side to spit on!

What is the difference between a man and a carp??
→ One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, and one is a fish!!

A Canadian is on vacation and walks into a bar.

He sits on this HUGE stool and says to the bartender:

- man, I heard things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!

and orders a mug of beer.

He gets a pitcher of beer and asks the bartender:

- man, I heard that things are big down here in Texas, but this is ridiculas!

and goes about drinking his beer. He orders another and he gets really pissed drunk.

Well, not too long later, he has to go to the bathroom really, really bad so he asks the bartender:

- Where is your washroom???

The bartender says:

- down the hall, second door on the right.

So the man climbs off the stool and stumbles down the hall and enters the second door to the left and falls in this huge swimming pool.

The man is struggling to stay afloat and screams:

- DON'T FLUSH IT!!!