Worst jokes

- Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.

- Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!

- Psychiatrist: What is your problem?

- Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

- Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

- Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?

- Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?

- Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!

- Psychiatrist: Sit over there and I'll deal with you later!

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dustbin.

- Psychiatrist: Don't talk such rubbish!

- Patient: Doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.

- Psychiatrist: Don't let people push you around.

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a curtain.

- Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together!

Dear Maevis,

I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life since then. I have become quite a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day.

Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along and when he is here, he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!

The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age, I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the den, in the bedroom, in the kitchen or in the garage, I ask myself:

- What am I here after?

Well, I guess growing old is not so bad since old folks are worth a fortune with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs!

Your good ole friend, Ethel

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.

- Psychiatrist: What!...who said that?

A patient goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist gives him a Rorschach Test; he shows the patient a circle with a dot inside it and asks:

- What do you see?

The patient replies:

- Two people are having sex in the middle of a circular room.

The psychiatrist shows the patient another picture of a square with a dot inside it and asks:

- What do you see?

Patient answers:

- Two people are having sex in a square room.

The psychiatrist shows the patient one more picture of a triangle with a dot outside it and asks:

- What do you see now?

Patient replies:

- Doctor, are you some kind of pervert?!?