Worst jokes

Some years ago, on Times Square in NYC, I observed a native American, in full Indian regalia, feather head dress, buckskin clothes, etc.

As a pretty woman would walk by, he would raise his right hand, in an Indian greeting, and say:

- Wanna.

I watched this ritual for about 20 minutes, and I became more curious as he kept making these greetings. Finally, I couldn't resist any longer. I went up to the native American, and said:

- I have been watching you, and I am confused. I thought that Indians say "How."

He turned to me, obviously quite annoyed, and said...:

- ME KNOW HOW...

ME TRYING TO FIND WOMAN WHO WANNA!!

Did you hear about the 4 Pollocks who froze to death in a drive-in movie???
→ They went to see "Closed For the Winter"!

The problem with keeping an open mind is that all my ideas tend to fall out.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
→ Because 7 8 9!

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them.

- Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!

- Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

- Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him.

- Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

- George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge!

- Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.

- Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

- Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

After a short pause ...

- Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night!

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburg. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass.

Well endowed, gorgeous, amazing. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window.

- Young lady - he began, I would like three pickets to titsburg...

Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached.

- Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg - he began, and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.

So of course he also fled.

Then came the third.

- Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburg, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say - he continued, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger's going to shake his peter at you!

There's a celery, a carrot, and a dick talking.

The celery was like:

- Man, I got it bad, they chop me up and put me in cold water!

Then the carrot was like:

- You think you got it bad they chop me up and stick me in HOT water!

Then the dick said:

- Ya, well I got it the worst.

They put me in a plastic bag, stick me in a dark cave, and make me do push-ups until I puke!

Why was Raggedy Anne kicked out of the toypen?
→ Because she kept sitting on Pinnochio's face saying:

- Lie to me, lie to me!

A white guy is being shipped off to Jamaica for a year with the army. His fiance, Wendy, is really worried about her man being unfaithful, so she asks him to tattoo her name to his penis...

He agrees, and does so.

When his penis isn't erect you can see the letters W and Y. The woman feeling secure knowing that her name is tattooed on her man's penis says good-bye to her fiance and he leaves for Jamaica.

One day, while in Jamaica, the guy is at the urinal and a black Jamaican comes and stands at the urinal next to him... The white guy happens to notice that the Jamaican also has a tattoo on his penis and he could see the letters W and Y, so he says to the Jamaican:

- Wow, that's really interesting, I guess you have a girlfriend named Wendy too?

And the Jamaican looks at him with a puzzled look and then stretches out his penis and it says...:

- Welcome to Jamaica have a nice day!

There were three guys stuck on an island. On of them found a lamp and rubbed it. Out came a genie. He said for freeing me I'll grant you each a wish. The first guy said I wish I were 25% smarter. So poof! He was 25% smater built a raft and got off the island.

The nex guy said I wish I were 50% smarter. So poof! He was 50% smater built a canoe and got off the island.

The last guy said I wish I were 100% smarter. So poof! He was 100% turned into a girl and walked across the bridge!!