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Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car

Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!!

1. No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft!
2. No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head.
3. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to.
4. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while.
5. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other.
6. No ashtrays and electric lighter...
7. No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain?
8. No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand.
9. No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass?
10. No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time.
11. Only one brake light...
12. Only one seat... How can a guy go necking with his girlfriend at the local drive in?
13. No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first?
14. No trunk...
15. No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well)
16. High fuel consumption...
17. Engines that don't last...
18. Tyres that just wear off in no time flat...
19. Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started.
20. No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes.

Talk about accidents waiting to happen.

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady," yells Larry, "Throw me the cat."

"No," she cries, "It's too far."

"I play football, I can catch him."

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.

The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

Supplemental Rules for Bowling

If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".

When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.

After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.

When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated Bowler" rule.

After you have 4 splits in one game, you may say "Kings X" and take those 4 frames over. However, if you split on the 2nd time around, you accept it. After all, "Fair is Fair".

If your ball goes in the gutter and jumps back onto the lane, knocking dow pins, by golly, you get them! That's much harder than to knock them down the conventional way. Good bowling should be recognized.

A ball should be declared dead when you bowl 3 games without a strike. It shall be the owners privilege to decide on the disposition of said dead ball - Burial at Sea, Dropped from an airplane over a live volcano, or a simple burial in the city dump. For a small fee, a league officer can be bribed to deliver a short eulogy.

Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats?
→ They might be cheetahs!

- Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player.

- Fan: Why's that?

- Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!

Why do artists never win when they play football?
→ They keep drawing!

Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games?
→ So that they can pack the defence!

Where do old bowling balls end up?
→ In the gutter!

- Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?

- Player: I finished it in three days!

What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
→ The scenter spot!

Our team is doing so badly that "Manager of the Month" isn't an award.
→ It's an appointment!

Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding?
→ They got jellygated!

Which insect didn't play well in goal?
→ The fumble bee!

What did the bumble bee striker say?
→ Hive scored!

What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
→ A Newcastle fan rolling down a hill!

What are Brazilian fans called?
→ Brazil nuts!

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto the pitch?
→ He was the skipper!

How do hens encourage their football teams?
→ They egg them on!

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, whereupon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"

Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.

Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.

"Bob, Is that you?" Earl asked.

"Of course it me," Bob replied.

"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl."

"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?"

"You're pitching tomorrow night."

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
→ The Indy 500.

How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex?
→ Mace...

Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.

"I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."

"Batted .007," his wife added.