Sport Jokes — most viewed jokes

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?
→ Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!

What's tennis players favourite city?
→ Volley wood!

How does a physicist exercise?
→ By pumping ion!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
→ Because education pays off in the long run!

What is a runner's favourite subject in school?
→ Jog-raphy!

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
→ Ince pies!

What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
→ Both do hat tricks!

Which football team loves ice-cream?
→ Aston Vanilla!

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game?
→ Sorry, it was a freak hic!

Why are football grounds odd?
→ Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits!

What do you get if you drop a piano on a team's defence?
→ A flat back four!

Why did the goal post get angry?
→ Because the bar was rattled!

What is the bank manager's favourite type of football?
→ Fiver side!

What part of a football ground is never the same?
→ The changing rooms!

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
→ Bring on their subs!

What is a mosquito's favorite sport?
→ Skin-diving!

Damn...did you see the size of that front tooth gap she had? Yeah...

I didn't know wether to smile back or kick a field goal!

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'"

What's the object of a Jewish football game?
→ To get the quarter back!

Why does the University of Tennesse football team wear orange to all their Saturday games?
→ So that they can wear the same outfit to go hunting on Sunday, and to work on Monday.

Long Beach police arrested two small, skinny men in October and charged them with stealing six 45-pound barbells from the Buffum-Downtown YMCA.

The men were struggling to keep the barbells in a small cart that kept tipping over because they were not strong enough to steer it.

Where do religious school children practice sports?
→ In the prayground!

How did the basketball court get wet?
→ The players dribbled all over it!

Why did the chicken get sent off?
→ For persistent fowl play!

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
→ It was a cup draw!

Where do football directors go when they are fed up?
→ The bored room!

A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club.
"Were the crowd not behind you?" asked the reporter.
"They were right behind me all right," said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"

Why was the struggling manager seen shaking the club cat?
→ To see if there was any more money in the kitty!

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball. Seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."