Sport Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Para-Olympics?
→ Having arms and legs.

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President! I said, Throw the first PITCH!"

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.

"I liked it, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, everyone kept yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'"

Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?
→ How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that "no means no"?

Why is "red" the colour of the University of Georgia?
→ Because they can't spell "crimson" or "scarlet".

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."

"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."

"If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them."

"No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded."

"We made too many wrong mistakes."

"You can observe a lot by just watching."

"I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4." - Yogi Berra

Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony.

However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house.

However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders.

The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn't matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk.

Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out.

One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell.

Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship)
From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995

• Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills.
• Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden's announce booth.
• Trying to make one of Marv Albert's blooper reels.
• Our friends on New York Jets convinced us: "Winning's no big deal."
• Worried sick about Letterman botching the Academy Awards.
• Those big guys on other team kept trying to knock us down.
• Who needs all the pressure of a Super Bowl? Not us, Lonnie!
• What a time to notice, them cheerleader outfits is skimpy!
• Tired of going to Disneyland.