School — most viewed jokes

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
→ He wanted Mark Antony!

How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
→ She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.

What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
→ I don't know, I wasn't invited!

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
→ "Would you like fries with that?"

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?" A little girl raised her hand. "Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?" "It's a cow, teacher." "Very good, Janie," said the teacher. Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class.

Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?" Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"

- Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.

- Pupil: My dad won't like that.

- Teacher: Why is that?

- Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name!

- Teacher: You've been e-mailing other pupils that I'm ugly!

- Pupil: Sorry, miss, I didn't realise you wanted to keep it a secret.

How do you recognize a blonde in school?
→ They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness?
→ She finished it in two.