School — most viewed jokes

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move "26 cars", return to class."

- Teacher: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

- Johnny: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.

Billie and Tillie were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him!"

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock," the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!"

- Daughter: I will never learn to spell.

- Mother: Why?

- Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.

Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
→ Old King Coal!

An irate father stormed into the principal's office. "I demand to know," he screamed, "why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination."

"Now, don't get excited," said the principal. "We'll get your Winslow's English teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation."

A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived.

"Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final?" demanded the father.

"I had no choice," said the schoolmarm. "He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it."

"That's no excuse," shouted the father. "You could have at least given him an 'A' for neatness!"

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

- Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of?

- Pupil: A pear.

An ideal homework excuse

- Teacher: Where is your homework?

- Pupil: My little sister ate it!