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A new two-year degree is being offered at the University that many of you should be interested in: Becoming A Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you, too, can be a real man-as well as earn an MA Degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

First Year

Autumn Schedule

  • MEN 101--Combating Stupidity
  • MEN 102--You, Too, Can Do Housework
  • MEN 103--PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
  • MEN 104--We Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule

  • MEN 110--Wonderful Laundry Techniques
  • MEN 111--Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4 am
  • MEN 112--Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
  • EAT 100--Get a Life, Learn to Cook
  • EAT 101--Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
  • ECON 001A--What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule

  • MEN 120--How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You're Wrong
  • MEN 121--Understanding Your Incompetence
  • MEN 122--YOU, the Weaker Sex
  • MEN 123--Reasons to Give Flowers
  • ECON 001C--What Was Yours is Hers

Second Year

Autumn Schedule

  • SEX 101--You CAN Fall Asleep without It
  • SEX 102--Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
  • SEX 103--How to Stay Awake After Sex
  • MEN 201--How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
  • Elective--See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule

  • MEN 210--The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
  • MEN 211--How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
  • MEN 212--You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
  • MEN 213--Believe Me, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
  • MEN 230A--Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1

Spring Schedule

  • MEN 220--Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
  • MEN 221--Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2
  • MEN 222--Real Men Ask for Directions
  • MEN 223--Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay

Course Electives

  • EAT 101--Cooking with Tofu
  • EAT 102--Utilization of Eating Utensils
  • EAT 103--Burping and Belching Discreetly
  • MEN 231--Mothers-in-law
  • MEN 232--Appear to Be Listening
  • MEN 233--Just Say "Yes, Dear"
  • ECON 001C--Cheaper to Keep Her
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A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. "Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no in the Book of Mark."

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- Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you'll be fat and useless when you grow up.

- Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!

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How the Bible would have been different if written by college students:

  • Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips
  • Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.
  • Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
  • Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.
  • Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
  • The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.
  • Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
  • Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
  • Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.
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