Medicine — most viewed jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Siamese Twins Barbie ...complete with surgical instruments

Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkly?
→ Because if they were small round and white, they would be aspirins.

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a vampire.

- Necks please!

- Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.

- Take one of these every 4 laps!

Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy?
→ She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

A doctor walks into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulls a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tries to write with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said:

- Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen!

Proctologist: A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.

Proctologist: A brain surgeon for lawyers.

Proctologist: the rare profession in which the M.D. starts out at the bottom and stays there.

ARTERY - THE STUDY OF PAINTINGS
BACTERIA - BACK DOOR OF A CAFETERIA
BARIUM - WHAT DOCTORS DO WHEN A PATIENT DIES
BOWEL - A LETTER LIKE A, E, I, O, OR U
CESAREAN SECTION - A NEIGHBORHOOK IN ROME
CAT SCAN - SEARCHING FOR A KITTY
CAUTERIZE - HAD EYE CONTACT WITH HER
COLIC - A SHEEP DOG
COMA - A PUNCTUATION MARK
D & C - WHERE WASHINGTON IS
DILATE - TO LIVE LONG
ENEMA - NOT A FRIEND
FESTER - QUICKER
FIBULA - A SMALL LIE
GENITAL - NOT A JEW
G.I. SERIES - A SOLDIER'S BALL GAME
HANGNAIL - COAT HOOK
IMPOTENT - DISTINGUISHED, WELL KNOWN
LABOR PAIN - GETTING HURT AT WORK
MEDICAL STAFF - A DOCTOR'S CANE
MORBID - A HIGHER OFFER
NITRATES - CHEAPER THAN DAY RATES
NODE - WAS AWARE OF
OUTPATIENT - A PERSON WHO HAS FAINTED
PAP SMEAR - A FATHERHOOD TEST
PELVIS - A COUSIN TO ELVIS
POST OPERATIVE - LETTER CARRIER
RECOVERY ROOM - PLACE TO DO UPHOLSTERY
RECTUM - DAMN NEAR KILLED 'EM
SECRETION - HIDING SOMETHING
SEIZURE - ROMAN EMPEROR
TABLET - SMALL TABLE
TERMINAL ILLNESS - GETTING SICK AT THE AIRPORT
ULTRASOUND - VERY GOOD MUSIC
URINE - OPPOSITE OF "YOU'RE OUT"
VARICOSE - NEAR BY
VEIN - CONCEITED

Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola Bottling Group (NYSE PBG) as a power beverage, suitable for use as-is, or a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do."

Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests:

- It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

- Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I suggest you take a cold bath every morning.

- Patient: Oh, but I do, doctor.

- Doctor: You do?

- Patient: Yes, every morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with nice hot water!