Random joke from this category
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him scribbling furiously on a notepad.
I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about writing a will.
He said, "Will, will,... WHAT WILL? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite!!"
What medicine would you give an ill ant?
→ Antibiotics!
What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
→ One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.
What is the difference between a pitbull dog and a PMS woman?
→ Lipstick.
Well, if there's any truth to this study at all, then I should live to be 180 minimum! :)
From the New England Journal of Medicine:
Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered.
According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out" declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.
Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so.
The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. "Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation," explains Dr. Weatherby. "There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier."
"Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years."
...hmmm - I wonder if PC boobies count?
P.S: I've already volunteered myself to science just in case they want to do a "hands on" study of the same type...woo-hoo!
What does a vampire take for a cold?
→ Coffin syrup!
A young lady is in the hospital for an operation.
She says, "Doc, how long after my operation will I have to wait until I can have sex again?"
He says, "You know, Miss Stukowski, you're the first person who ever asked me that before a tonsillectomy!"
What did the Abominable Snowman do after he had had his teeth pulled out?
→ He ate the dentist.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease.
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"That's easy," he replied. "You ask them a simple question which everyone should be able to answer with no trouble. If they hesitate, that puts you on the right track."
"What sort of question would you ask Doctor?"
"Well, you might ask them..."
"Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them.
Which one?"
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh - "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you?"
"I must confess I don't know much about history." (DOH!)
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."
