Medicine — most viewed jokes

True story: About a week ago, I broke my ankle (in three places) and was in the hospital for several days. My first night in the hospital, after having surgery to rejoin my bones with pins and plates and such, I was in a great deal of pain and quite immobile. My nurse for that first night was a very nice 50ish lady with a strong German accent.

At one point in the middle of the night, she came in to give me a shot of morphine. She asked where I would like the shot and I pointed to my right thigh. I slid my blankets down and she lifted my gown.

With my gown raised, she uttered the words, "Okay, small prick," and proceeded with the injection.

I'm still not sure whether her words were meant to warn me of the upcoming pain or as an editorial comment.

believe that the members of the dental profession are the only men who can tell a women to open or close her mouth and get away with it.

What do cows get when they are sick?
→ Hay Fever

Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
→ Dracula's dentist.

A patient asked the dentist, if it wasn't nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The dentist answered "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist?
→ Because they fought both tooth and nail!

Then there was the Puerto Rican surgeon who made medical history. He performed the first appendix transplant.

How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.

- You're in good health. You'll live to be 80.

- But, doctor, I am 80 right now.

- See, what did I tell you!

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"

"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."

"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."

"Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.