Medicine — most viewed jokes

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.

Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic, his surgeon comes in and tells him: "Well, I've got good news and I've got bad news for you."

"Give me the bad news first, Doc." says the patient.

"I'm afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son."

"Oh my god!" the patient cries, breaking into tears.

"But the good news," the doctor adds, "is that we had them biopsied and you'll be relieved to know that they weren't malignant!"

- Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.

- Assistant: Why don't you marry her?

- Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.

What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist?
→ A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

- Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible

- Who said that?

- Father: Don't you feel better now that you've gone to the dentist?

- Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.

Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?
→ Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.

Nowadays there's little meaning
For a person to be gleaning
When a man attaches "Doctor" to his name
He may be a chiropractor
Or a painless tooth extractor
He's entitled to the title just the same.

Or perhaps he is a preacher
Or a lecturer or teacher,
Or an expert who cures chickens of the pip;
He may keep a home for rummies,
Or massage fat people's tummies,
Or specialize in ailments of the hip.

Everybody is a "doctor,"
From the backwoods herb concocter
To the man who takes bunions from your toes;
From the frowning dietician
To the snappy electrician
Who shocks you loose from all the body's woes.

So there's very little meaning
For a sufferer to be gleaning
When a man attaches "Doctor" to his name.
He may pound you, he may starve you,
He may cut your hair or carve you,
You have got to call him Doctor all the same!

Have you heard about the new medication that both an aphrodisiac and laxative?

It's called "Easy Cum, Easy Go".

Did you here about the pharmaceutical company?

They developed a new drug that, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent and become a nun.

The FDA refused to license it, though. Seems it was habit-forming.

Patient to Dentist: "How much to get my teeth straightened?"
"Twenty thousand bucks" Patient heads for the door.
Dentist to patient: "Where are you going?"
"To a plastic surgeon to get my mouth bent."