Medicine — most viewed jokes

- Patient: Doc, what should I do with all the gold and silver in my mouth?

- Dentist: Don't smile in a bad neighborhood.

Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
→ Because she thought everybody loved her.

A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it."
As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says, "King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans."

"Pardon me for a moment, please," said the dentist to the victim, "but before beginning this work I must have my drill."
"Good heavens, man!" exclaimed the patient irritably.
"Can't you pull a tooth without a rehearsal?"

- Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

- Tell me about your problem.

- I just did, didn't I, you stupid bastard!!!!!

- Teacher: Can't you retain anything in your head overnight?

- Pupil: Of course, I've had this cold in my head for two days!

- Patient: It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth.

- Dentist: I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.

After much soul searching and having determined the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination.

When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups.

She was feeling rather awkward about the entire procedure when the doctor came in. Her anxiety was not diminished by the sight of him pulling down his pants!

"Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here?" yelped the woman, pulling herself into a sitting position.

"Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor.

"Well, yes, I do," answered the woman.

"Then lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor. "We're all out of the bottled stuff... You'll just have to settle for what's on tap!"

- Dentist: There goes the only woman I ever loved.

- Assistant: Why don't you marry her?

- Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.

Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?
→ Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.