Medicine — most viewed jokes

- Doctor, you've gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. I eat bananas, bananas come out.

- That's easy. Eat shit!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "How long have you been having this phantasy?"

A man took his wife to the doctors.
After a short examination the doctor said
"Your wife's mind has completely gone!"
To which the man replied "I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"

Why do people dislike going to the dentist?
→ Because he is boring.

As the judge said to the dentist: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?

Higginbote and Goldstein, Fordham freshmen, were discussing what kind of work would supply them with big bucks after graduation.

"Well, I've always thought I'd like to be a doctor," said Higginbote. "Specialize in something or other. Like obstetrics, maybe."

"Obstetrics?" scoffed Goldstein. "At the rate science is going, you'd no sooner learn all about it when bingo! somebody'd find a cure for it."

- Tell me, doctor. Is it serious?

- Well, I wouldn't advise you to start watching any serials on TV.

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home.

At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples.

The wife looks aghast and then realisation spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features. "That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"

Fred's mother was on the telephone to the boy's dentist. "I don't understand it," she complained, "I thought his treatment would only cost me $20, but you've charged me $80."
"It is usually $20, ma'am," agreed the dentist, "but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!"

- Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless.

- Patient: I'm not.