Medicine — most viewed jokes

At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic.

"What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience.

"Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies.

"Well, what's so miraculous about it?"

"One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times!"

A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"

"Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."

At what time do most people go to the dentist?
→ At tooth-hurty (2:30).

- My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

- Oh, really?

- Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

Four nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for, whom they all felt was an arrogant jerk. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.

The first nurse said, "I stuffed cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear."

The second nurse said, "I let the mercury out of his thermometers and painted them all to read 106 degrees."

The third nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all of the condoms that he keeps in his desk drawer."

The fourth nurse fainted.

One Polish surgeon asks another: "How did the operation go?"

"The operation was a success, but the patient died!"

After an accident, a woman stepped forward and prepared to help the victim. She was asked to step aside by a man who announced, "Step back please! I've had a course in first aid and I'm trained in CPR."

The woman watched his procedures for a few moments, then tapped him on the shoulder.

"When you get to the part about calling a doctor," she said, "I'm already here!"

From David Letterman

Top Ten Signs You're A Bad Surgeon General

10. You've got a pack of Marlboros rolled up in your lab coat sleeve.
11. You never appear in public without a half-empty bottle of Bacardi rum.
12. Morning, noon and night, you can be found wandering around in a hospital gown.
13. Always confusing defibrillator with fry-o-lator.
14. You thought "Chicago Hope" was going to be a hit.
15. Your medical degree is from that correspondence school endorsed by Sally Struthers.
16. Instead of flu vaccine, you recommend so-called "flu-proof socks".
17. You smoke like a chimney and drink like a Kennedy.
18. You spend your entire day doing the very thing you said should be taught in school.
19. Your cure for heart disease: Zima.

- Doctor, ya gotta help me. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

- Really! What are you taking for it?

- (with a grin) Black pepper!

What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?
→ You can hear a cough drop.