Random joke from this category
Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher:
- What's that, Miss?
Miss decides to play a word game with him and says:
- That's what your Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy.
Tommy thinks for a moment and then says:
- I'm not stupid Miss, I know that ain't a fucking pig!
- Kid: Teacher can I go to the bathroom?
- Teacher: You have to say your ABC's first
- Kid: Ok, a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u, v,w.x.y, and z
- Teacher: Where's the p?
- Kid: It's running down my leg!!
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died. "You know, it's not your fault that the dog died. He's probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie, still crying, said "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Where does Peter Pan eat?
→ Wendy's
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, "The 10 Most Wanted."
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
- Yes - said the policeman.
- the detectives want him very badly.
So Little Tommy asked, while tugging on the man's belt:
- Um, mister, why didn't you keep them when you took their pictures?
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks:
- Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!
Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened.
- So, how did you do son? - he asked.
- You'll never believe it! - Billy said.
- I was responsible for the winning run!
- Really? How'd you do that?
- I dropped the ball.
- Dan: My little brother is a real pain.
- Nan: Things could be worse.
- Dan: How?
- Nan: He could be twins!
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother:
- How was I born?
- Well honey... - said the slightly prudish mother.
- the stork brought you to us.
- Oh - said the boy.
- and how did you and daddy get born?
- Oh, the stork brought us too.
- Well how were grandpa and grandma born? - the boy persisted.
- Well darling, the stork brought them too! - said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
- This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.
