Random joke from this category
The boy asks his dad:
- What's the difference between a 'cunt' and a 'pussy'?
The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around a crotch and says:
- Everything inside the circle is a 'pussy', everything outside the circle is a 'cunt'
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"
Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible.
When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.
I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him:
- It's something like your sister's room, but without a stereo.
The Seven Dwarfs were all in bed feeling Happy-then he got out of bed so they felt Grumpy instead.....
Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account.
- The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store - she said.
- Oh good - he said:
- Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in:
- Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?
His father says:
- Son, I'm filling your mother's tank.
Johnny says:
- Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid:
- Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?
The kid says:
- Yeah.
The cop says:
- Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says:
- By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?
Humoring the kid, the cop says:
- Yeah, he sure did.
The kid says:
- Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse's brain instead of on his back.
What Exactly Is Marriage?
→ Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents - Eric, six years old
→ When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out. - Anita, nine years old
How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
→ You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one. - Kelly, nine years old
→ My mother says to look for a man who is kind.... That's what I'll do.... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome. - Carolyn, eight years old
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
→ Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife - Bert, five years old
How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
→ They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values. - Lottie, nine years old
→ My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind. - Jeremy, eight years old
What Do Most People Do on a Date?
→ On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, ten years old
→ Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love. - Craig, nine years old
When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?
→ You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding. - Allan, ten years old
→ Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you.... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours. - Kally, nine years old
The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?
→ You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan - Kirsten, ten years old
→ It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them - Anita, nine years old
→ It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. - Will, seven years old
A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say:
- Hi there little boy!!
One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. They reply:
- well, that is what size we imagine your penis to be... it is just a joke!
The next day on his way home, the hookers repeat the tradition. The young boy stops and drops his school books on the ground, sticks all his fingers in his mouth to stretch his lips very wide and says:
- HI THERE LADIES!
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heard her son said:
- All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the plane, cause we're going to take-off now.
The mother went in and told her son:
- We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your plane, but I want you to use nice language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his plane. Soon the mother heard her son say:
- All passengers who are deplaning, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for flying with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will fly with us again soon.
She hears the little boy continue:
- For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the plane. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.
As the mother began to smile, the child added:
- For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.
