Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

- Waiter, my lunch is talking to me!

- Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich!

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?
→ Take a snorkel.

What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger?
→ A big mac.

There was a farmer who raised watermelons.
He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says
"Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read:
"Now there are two".

Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach.

The girl lobster suggested that the boy lobster go get them an ice cream cone.

Having purchased two cones, Mr Lobster made his way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat his ice cream. By the time he had finished the ice cream, he realized that his girlfriend's had started to melt all down his claw, so he licked it up and ended up eating it too.

When he arrived back at the beach Ms Lobster exclaimed "Where's my ice cream cone?"

"Well," he said. "I decided to eat mine, then yours melted so I ate that too."

She was incensed and cried "You shellfish bastard!!"

What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs?
→ A thyme machine.

What have an apple and an orange got in common?
→ Neither of them can drive a tractor!

What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal while eating the clown?
→ "Does this taste funny to you?"

- Waiter, waiter! What's this creepy crawly thing doing in my dinner?

- Oh, that one? He comes here every night.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Fast Food Barbie ...also known as McBarbie...you want fries with that?