Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
→ They both wriggle when you eat them.

- Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!

- Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

20 Reasons Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex!

1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter.

- Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

- Force of habit, sir. Our chef used to be a tailor.

Once upon a time there were five apples
Which was the cowboy?
→ None - because they were all redskins.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
→ Because he couldn't find a date.

What did the apple say to the apple pie?
→ "You've got some crust."

What did the boy banana say to the girl banana?
→ "You have a lot of appeal."

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"

"That's what they say," said his Dad.
"Well, give me an apple quick? I've just broken the doctor's window!"

Here is a story about a famous food critic's recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany, but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home.

Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish & chips at a London pub. He asked the manager of the pub if he could have the recipe for the fish and chips.

The manager confessed that he bought his fish and chips from a nearby monestary, and so our critic would have to get the recipe from one of the brothers.

So he quickly ran down the street to the monestary and knocked on the door. When one of the brothers came to the door, he asked him if he were the "Fish Friar."

The brother repiled, "Nope, I'm the Chip Monk!"