Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why do gays eat refried beans on Saturday night?
→ So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.

Two furniture salesman are sitting at the bar comiserating. One says, "Man! If I don't move some furniture this month, I'm going to lose my ass."

The second salesman says, "Watch your mouth! There's a lady sitting next to you. I apologize for my friend, m'aam."

The woman looks at him and says, "That's OK. I'm a hooker. If I don't move some ass this month, I'm going to lose my furniture!"

What do you get when you cross the Pillsbury Dough Boy with a blonde?
→ A whiney bitch with a yeast infection

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"

The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"

"Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the problem?"

The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."

"So, what the hell is the problem?"

"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
→ Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

What's the difference between a white gerbil and a brown gerbil?
→ The white one got away.

A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment.

She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

What's a real mate?
→ Someone who'll go into town, get two head jobs and gives you one... when he returns.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."