Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
→ He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.

There was a young man from Kent
Whose tool was exceedingly bent
He put it in double
To save himself trouble
Instead of coming he went

An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
→ One snatches watches and the other watches snatches!

A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago and has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product. The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian. The lesbian requested a 15 year old, and the madam replied, "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers."

What do turtles and blondes have in common?
→ If they're on their back, they're screwed!

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, show's her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"

What does it mean when two lesbians make love?
→ It doesn't mean dick.