Random joke from this category
A young teenager comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me? That babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"
"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it. "But then when I have a baby, won't it knock my teeth out?"
Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that you would offend the person standing near you?...
NOT. Well, if you are, then here are some alternatives to some popular phrases.
I found them on a poster, but I don't remember which one.
She is not: An airhead
She is: Reality Impaired
She is not: A Bleached Blonde
She is: Peroxide Dependant
She is not: A babe or chick
She is: A Breasted American
She does not have: Major league hooters
She is: Pectorally Superior
She does not have: A Great Tan
She is: Pigmentally Enhanced
You do not want to: Score or pick her up
You want to: Attempt a Horizontal Encounter
She is not: A perfect 10
She is: Numerically Superior
She does not have: A great butt
She has: A Superior Posterior
If she does not want to get: Married or hitched
She does not want: Domestic Incarceration
She is not: Half naked
She is: Wardrobe Impaired
She does not have: A perfect body
She is: Anatomically Gifted
She is not: Drunk or tipsy
She is: Chemically Inconvenienced
She is not: Small or short
She is: Vertically Challenged
It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest w/the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the sheer dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow. He tells her to pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and flirt w/the ape.
She does and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall; she does, and the gorilla is so excited, he's just about to tear the bars down.
The husband then suggests that the wife lift her dress up above the thighs... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in w/the gorilla and says, "Now, tell him you have a headache."
"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. "I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine."
"I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. "Henry's cork's been stationary for years."
What do you get if you cross your missus with a pit bull?
→ Your very last headjob.
Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
Other nun says, "Neither have I. It's probably the cobbles."
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
→ When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you... up the arse with her clitoris.
A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having a little chat. "How are you, Tom?" asked Marvin.
"I'm not feeling well today - utterly exhausted," Tom replied. "I pulled a muscle and it's killing me."
"That pulled muscle shouldn't make you so tired, though."
"Well, it does if you pull it a couple of hundred times...."
How can u spot a tough Lesbian Bar?
→ Even the pool tables don't have balls.
Mom took little Johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.
Doc. said, how did such a thing happen? Johnny said, "It's that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp."
