Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why don't witches wear panties?
→ So they can get a better grip on the broom.

Little Johnny is in class. The teacher is going through the alphabet, having each child think up a word that starts with a letter. They get to "W", and the teacher figures Little Johnny can't think up anything dirty with a "W" so she calls on him.

"Womb!", Little Johnny says.

"That's a good word, Johnny", teacher says. "Is that as in where babies come from?" she asks.

"No", says Johnny, "That's the sound elephants make when they're screwing... you know, "Womb! Womb! Womb!"

It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out. The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass." The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass." Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."

A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I want to open a fucking checking account".

"Please sir", she replies, "we can't have language like that in here."

"Why the Fuck not?" he asked.

"Sir," Came her retort, "I must ask you to refrain from swearing."

"I don't give a shit what you want," he answers, "I just want to open a fucking checking account."

With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch manager. The manager asks if he might be able to help the gentleman.

"Shit yes", came the reply, "I just won 14 million dollars in the lottery and want to open a fucking checking account."

The branch manager says, "I see, and this stupid, fucking, bitch is giving you a hard time?"

Men come in three sizes:
Small, medium, and Oh My God!!!

What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
→ Two Mennonite!

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
→ When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Why do you call a womens monthly pain a period?
→ Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.

What did one gay sperm say to the other?
→ I can't find my way through all this shit.

What is the Australian for foreplay?
→ Brace yourself, Sheila!

And the Welsh?
→ Are you awake, Gwen?