Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
→ Getting fingered by Captain Hook!

Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
→ You can park in the handicap zone.

What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?
→ An IN-body experience!

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
→ Humpme Dumpme.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
→ Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
→ It takes too long to retrain them.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
→ You only have to punch information into a computer once.

What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
→ You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Why don't blondes eat Jello?
→ They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
→ They can't find the zipper.

What will a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
→ Her ankles.

Why don't blondes use vibrators?
→ They chip their teeth.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
→ Cause their balls show!

Why do blondes drive BMWs?
→ It's the only car name they can spell.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
→ An interpreter.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
→ A mental block.

What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
→ Pack their lunch and send them to work.

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
→ Introduces herself.

How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?
→ Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
→ She fell out of the tree.

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
→ Locking the car door.

How big is Bill Clinton's Penis?
→ Not as big as Hillary's

What's got 400 legs and no pubic hair?
→ The front row of a Hanson concert

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
→ That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
→ Because she didn't know which one came first!

How can you confuse a blonde?
→ Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

How do blonde brain cells die?
→ Alone.

What did the blondes right leg say to her left leg?
→ Nothing, they never met.

Why did God create blondes?
→ Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge.

Why did God create brunettes?
→ Because the blondes couldn't manage it either.

What do you call a smart blonde?
→ A Golden retriever!

What do you get when you ask a blonde, a penny for your thoughts?
→ Change!

Why do blondes take the pill?
→ So they know which day of the week it is.

Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
→ Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
→ Gifted.

Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?
→ They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
→ They both have a black box.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
→ Tell her she's pregnant.

Why did the Blonde get fired at the M & M factory?
→ She threw out all the W's

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?
→ Don King.

(.)(.) tiny tits
(o) (o) regular tits
( O )( O ) big tits
( @ ) ( @ ) big harry tits
( ' ) ( ' ) perky tits
{.} {.} shriveled tits
( , ) ( , ) drippy tits
[ _ ] [ _ ] android tits
( # ) ( # ) Tysoned tits

What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
→ The Spice Girls!

An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells: "Super Pussy!"

The old man says: "I'll have the soup."