Random joke from this category
A man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated, and had wet dreams all the time. The doctor asked which he liked best.
He Replied, "Wet Dreams, you meet a much higher class of people in them."
What is grosser than gross?
→ Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a spoon in your butt.
I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, "Sir, what are you doing?" The drunk replied, "I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys." The police officer said, "Sir, do you know your zipper is down?" The drunk replied, "Shit, I lost my wife, too!"
A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of serviceby sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.
When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying onthe bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that thepresident of the board arranged for you."
The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of theTemple Board and says, "Greenberg, what were you thinking? Where's yourrespect? I am the moral leader of our community! I am very angry with youand you have not heard the end of this."
The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her andsays, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."
What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
→ Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."
"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions," the medic said.
"Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Lamborghini."
NOTIFICATION TO ALL STAFF REGARDING LANGUAGE
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from managers who are more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do realise, however, the importance of staff being able to properly express their feelings when communicating with other employees. With this in mind, the Human Resources Department has compiled a list of code phrases so proper exchange of ideas/information can continue in an effective manner without risking offence to our more sensitive brethren.
Old Phrase → New Phrase
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other?
→ Gee, we really do taste like chicken.
