Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?

There were three guys in an airplane. One guy dropped a rock, another dropped a brick, and the last dropped a grenade.

When they got back on the ground they were walking down the street and they saw a woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they went up to ask her why she was crying she said:

- A rock fell from the sky, landed on my cat and now my cat is dead.

The men said they were very sorry to here that and walked away.

The next house they came across a little further down the road there was another woman crying. Being the gentlemen they are they walk up to her and asked her why she was crying she said:

- A brick fell from the sky, landed on my dog, and now my dog is dead.

The men said they were very sorry to hear that and walked away.

The next house they came across a little further down the road there was a man laughing his head off.
Wondering what was so funny they went up to ask him.
After they asked him he replied:

- I bent over to get the news paper this morning, I farted and my whole house blew up!

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out.

The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant that, if the man returns, to follow him.

Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.

- So did you follow him?

- I did.

- And...where did he go?

- Over to your house!

What is the newest game at the white house?
→ Swallowing the leader!

A certain young man finally got a date with a female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, he fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool". But, determined not to miss his date, he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

When the hot date showed up at his apartment, the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a video. During the video, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.

The date, meanwhile, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his dingy immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, she exclaimed:

- So, that's how you guys load those things!

What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
→ When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

Four words guaranted to destroy a man's ego: "Is it in yet?"

Confucious say:

- Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

- Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

- It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl!

- Man who jizz in cash register come into money.

- Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.

- Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.

- Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.

- Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.

- Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.

- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

- Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.

- Learn to masturbate--come in handy.

- Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.

- Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.

- Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.

There were two teenagers and they just got thru playing basketball. So they went to the showerhouse.

They were in the showerhouse and the first teenager noticed a cork up the other teenagers butt. So when they got out of the showerhouse, the first teenager ask why he had a cork up his butt?

The other teenager said, "Well, I was at the beach and a fairy said she could grant me one wish", and in amazement I said - "No CRAP!"

A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.

- I want to get screwed - said the man.

- OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot - answered the voice.

The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.

Minutes passed and nothing happened.

He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.

- Hey - exclaimed the sport:

- I want to get screwed!

- What? - said the voice:

- Again?