Random joke from this category
After much research and millions of dollars, our scientists have discovered the secret ingredients to Viagra!
VIAGRA INGREDIENT LIST: (TopSecret!)
- 3% Vitamin E
- 2% aspirin
- 2% ibuprofen
- 1% Vitamin C
...and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...92% Fix-A-Flat!
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini:
- I want to feel your breasts - he exclaimed.
- Get away from me, you crazy old man - she replied.
- I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars - he says.
- Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!
- I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS - he stated.
- NO! Get away from me!
- TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS - he offered.
She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said:
- I said NO!
- FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts - he claimed.
She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough...and $500 IS a lot of money....
- Well, OK...but only for a minute.
She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel... then he started saying:
- OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... - while he was caressing them.
Out of curiosity, she asked him:
- Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my god, oh my god'?
While continuing to feel her breasts he answered:
- OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?
What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole?
→ A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone
This woman had a magic mirror from which anything you wanted you got, so one day she stood in front of the mirror and said I wish I had bigger breasts and it happened. So then she ran downstairs to show her husband. He was so amazed that he ran upstairs and stood in front of the mirror and said I wish my dick could touch the floor and his legs fell off!
How did the witch almost lose her baby?
→ She didn't take it far enough into the woods.
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"
And the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"...
A little boy and a little girl, on a beach, are arguing. Little boy says to the little girl:
- I have a Nintendo!
Little girl says:
- Oh yeah, well I have a Sega and a Nintendo!
Little boy says:
- So, my dad's a doctor!
Little girls says:
- My dad's an astronaut!
Back and forth they went, each one trying to outdo the other until finally the little boy pulls down his shorts and proclaims, "But I have on of these!!!!" and shows the little girl his penis.
The little girl, not being able to retaliate, gets up and goes home. The next day, the little girl spots the little boy and proudly announces:
- My mom said that with one of these (pointing to her's) I can get as many of those as I want!!!!!!
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
→ "Thanks for the refill!"
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
- If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? - he asked her.
The secretary replied:
- Everything but my earrings.
This old geezer of 78 marries a girl of 18. The morning after the wedding night, the girl comes down with a pained expression on her face.
- What's the matter, dear? - asks the woman at the front desk.
- Well - sniffed the girl.
- He told me he'd been saving up for 60 years, and I thought he meant his money!
