Random joke from this category
Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia.
His mate asked him what it was like.
- Australia's a great place! - Paddy replied.
- First they take you home and fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, they let you fuck their women whenever you want.
- Is that right? - said his mate very impressed.
- I always heard Australians were real pricks.
- Well - said Paddy.
- Only the white ones!
Do you know what a Yankee is?
→ Same as a quickie, except you're by yourself
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!
So I fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband's um... little sailor can't salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says:
- Listen, I don't do this for everyone, but since your husband's on his way out...
- Get this prescription, and put three drops in his milk before he goes to bed.
The wife is very happy and thanks the doc profusely. Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went.
The lady blushes, smiles and says:
- Well, I put thirty drops in his milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close the coffin.
Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about consummating their passions.
- Every time we make love - she said:
- I get splinters!
So he went back to his maker, Gipetto, the carpenter, to ask for advice.
- Sandpaper my boy, that's what you need - was the carpenter's response.
A couple of weeks later the carpenter saw Pinnochio again:
- How are you getting on with the girls now?
- Who needs girls? - replied Pinnochio!
The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off.
She goes bitching to Little Johnny's father. She comes to Little Johnny's house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father:
- Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now....now he's being carnal with a goat in the front yard!
Little Johnny's father goes running out the door yelling:
- Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!
How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
→ She unties you.
One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.
The brain said:
- I do all the thinking so I'm the most important and I should be in charge.
The eyes said:
- I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I'm the most important and I should be in charge.
The hands said:
- Without me we wouldn't be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge.
The stomach said:
- I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we'd starve. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge.
The legs said:
- Without me we wouldn't be able to move anywhere. So I'm the most important and I should be in charge.
Then the rectum said:
- I think I should be in charge.
All the rest of the parts said:
- YOU?!? You don't do anything! You're not important! You can't be in charge.
So the rectum closed up. After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy.
They all agreed that they couldn't take any more of this and agreed to put the rectum in charge.
Today's lesson: You don't have to be the most important to be in charge, just an a - - hole.
This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn't know what to do. He's fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says:
- Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s'pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!...
So he got his bowling ball and threw it in the outhouse!
And more on blondes...
But why do brunettes take the pill?
→ Wishful Thinking.
