Dirty Jokes — most viewed jokes

What's the most active muscle in a woman?
→ The penis.

The morning after their honeymoon night, Julie says to her husband:

- You know, you're really a lousy lover!

Her husband replies:

- How would you know after only 30 seconds?

What's the best thing about a blow job?
→ The 15 minutes of silence!

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while:

- Honey, your tits are too small, and your box is too tight.

- Get off my back, dear! - she replies.

The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn't bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina.

- What are you going to use it for? - she asked.

- None of your business - answered the customer, beet red and throughly offended.

- Calm down, buddy - soothed the salesgirl.

- The only reason I'm asking is that if it's food, we don't have to charge you sales tax.

The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis.

The king of Spain takes his out and as they all see the impressive proportions all the Spanish people shout:

- Viva Espania!

The king of France is next and as his is even larger, all the French scream:

- Vive la France!

Next comes the king of England, and just as he drops his pants and takes his out, everyone exclaims:

- God save the Queen!

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion:

- Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.

- Okay - says the rabbi - let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking screaming orgasm.

The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly:

- You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!

How do a jewish couple have oral sex?
→ SET AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BED AND YELL SCREW YOU TO ONE AND OTHER

One neighbor says to the other, "Hey Joe, you have to stop leaving the blinds on your bedroom open, I saw you fucking your wife." Joe responds "The jokes on you, Stan, I was away on a business trip yesterday."

A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some.

- How hard is it? - she asks.

- About as hard as my dick. - he replies.

- Ok, then pour me some!